Archive for the Uncategorized Category

SEE HIM NOW…

Posted in Uncategorized on September 14, 2008 by violencejack

If you want a cheap laugh check this idiot out –

http://www.youtube.com/user/badlydressedpoet

A MINI MOVIE THAT HAS NEVER BEEN FILMED STARRING ME!

Posted in Uncategorized on September 14, 2008 by violencejack

FREAKS OF DAMNATION PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS…

A MR. GOTHIC FILM

SAFDAR MUTTAQI as Ealing Belmont

And featuring some nameless ugly motherfucker as the other character

IN

CONFRONTATION IN FRONT OF THE BULLETIN BOARD OF LIFE

FADE IN:

INT. COLLEGE – DAY

EALING BELMONT stands at a bulletin board. He stares at an advertising flyer – advertising some shit we can’t make out. An average looking GUY not in the best of shape approaches Ealing.

GUY: You’re Ealing Belmont aren’t you?

EALING: What if I am?

GUY: I saw your last film – DEVIL DAYCARE.

EALING: Really?

GUY: It sucked ass.

EALING: Did it now?

GUY: Yeah.

Ealing looks at him. The guy stands there looking all cocky.

EALING: If you can do a better job you fat piece of shit – then go ahead and do it. If you can’t – then just shut the fuck up.

The guy is stunned.

GUY: Whoa – man – no need for attitude.

EALING: If you don’t piss off – I’ll show you attitude. I’ll stomp a hole the size of a fucking moon crater in your ass.

The guy shuffles off and Ealing returns his attention to staring into space.

FADE OUT:

OVER THE TOP (V.O.): From the creator of The Badly Dressed Poet comes a mini movie series that will make you shit your pants and turn you into a stupefied pratt. FREAKS OF DAMNATION PRODUCTIONS presents a MR. GOTHIC series – THE MOVIE SERIES THAT NEVER GOT FILMED.

WATCH IT!

LIVE IT!

JUST HATE IT!

BREAKING NEWS! A NEW MINI SERIES THAT WILL SURELY PISS YOU OFF – STARRING ME – AN EGO MANIAC WRITER WHO HAS TOO MUCH TIME ON HIS HANDS!

Posted in Uncategorized on September 14, 2008 by violencejack

Bleeding eyes… just staring… reminding… all to know good manners… till next time… Remember to pee standing up!

I’VE GOT ISSUES – LOTS AND LOTS OF DEEP PSYCHOLOGICAL ISSUES AND I ABSOLUTELY ADORE MOUNTAINS OF PINK TOILET TISSUE!

Posted in Uncategorized on September 14, 2008 by violencejack

Another depressing day in the world of No-Reality. Here it is – the thought – in all its pathetic glory…

I’M A GUY WHO CAN’T GET LAID IN A WHORE HOUSE EVEN IF I HAD A MILLION DOLLARS HANGING OUT OF MY ZIPPER!

Posted in Uncategorized on August 26, 2008 by violencejack

Shock! Horror! I did a good deed today. I guided a young soul and her family to HMV. I didn’t have to do it. They did ask for directions but since I had nothing better to do with my time I decided to lead them to the store. At least that way when they visit Coventry next time they should have a pretty good idea of where they are going.

Am I a nice guy or what?

Don’t answer that.

Today has been another slow day and I haven’t done any writing. I know it’s sloppy not writing everyday but I’m trying to combat the problem. I’m trying to discipline myself to sit down and turn out pages though there are plenty of days when I just want to veg out to the good old tube or run outside in my underwear and stare at the pretty flowers swaying in the breeze like a stupefied pratt.

My first autobiographical assignment has been completed. It was a challenge but I’ve done it. Question is – is it any good? I did my best though let’s face it folks my best on a number of occasions has been filed under the banner – ‘Your best just isn’t good enough.’

FUCK IT… AGAIN!

I CAME – I SAW – I WROTE – I KICKED ASS and you guys are just going to have to deal with that.

I HAVE A SEXY TOASTER THAT LOVES ME A LOT!

Posted in Uncategorized on August 25, 2008 by violencejack

Today was pretty productive from my point of view. I woke up late in the afternoon, had my coffee, watched some mindless shit on the good old tube and then set about working on my first assignment for my autobiographical writing class. I believe I’m on the right track since the piece I think is supposed to be about me. If it isn’t – well then – I guess I’m screwed.

Fuck it – everything is about me at the end of the day.

Is that the self centeredness talking?

Could be but let’s face it folks I’m more interesting than any of the current celebrities that you see on the T.V. and read about in the magazines.

Like it says in my official profile – ‘Part Myth… Part Legend… All Reality! Loved by few… Hated by many… He is the Dark Romantic Of The Night – Now bow down to his glory – kiss his ass and say something nice so he can make himself feel better as the most rocking and most maniacal bastard ever to walk on this Earth!’

Pretty fucking awesome introduction, huh?

Yeah – I know – you guys are fucking speechless. And yeah I know – I’m a lot cooler than you will ever be.

There’s a lot more to it which I’ve mainly put there for dramatic effect but also to paint a not so rosy picture of the type of guy I am. Am I sexy? Not really. Am I deadly? When it comes to writing – I am very deadly. Hell – I’m a fucking monster that will probably verbally crucify you if I’m in the mood.

But enough about me. Let’s talk about me.

The assignment is coming along just fine though I am adding my own twist to give it some personality. That way it’s not just another static factual piece of information but something that tells you the reader – hey – this guy must be one awesome motherfucker to hang out with.

The document still needs some work but I’m pretty confident the work should see completion by tonight as I’m working on it piece by piece. It’s quite hard work since there are quite a few things I would like to go into detail about but word count and time and space won’t allow it.

After all – let’s face it freaks, fiends, misfits and psycho’s – I’m not writing a book but a one shot piece briefly highlighting certain key events in my life. Something that you can easily find on a website if you need a quick read of a truly raw talented individual. Now all I need to do is leave this miserable shit hole of a world a radical and ever so epic Legacy to kick start off my Reign Of Immortality

RAMBLING, CURSING AND SPINNING YARNS ABOUT THE PARANOID DELUSIONS OF A FEW SINGING EGGS THAT LOVE TO SMILE!

Posted in Uncategorized on August 25, 2008 by violencejack

I need to shave. Probably need to do something with my hair. Maybe buy a whole new wardrobe that screams I-Am-A-Member-Of-Decent-Society-Don’t-I-Look-Great-Right-Back-At-Ya! And yes I think I need to lose some weight too. Hell – I need to change my entire outlook on life.

Well, that’s what my folks say.

It’s been a slow week in terms of creativity partly because I fill my time watching a whole bunch of DVD’S I should have seen a long time ago and partly because I need to exercise though I don’t really know how to go about it properly.

I’ve also come to the conclusion that I need to read more since my eternal grasp on rocking vocabulary is sadly lacking. All you need to do is read the recent stuff I’ve written and you to will conclude – this guy needs to read more – he sounds like a third grade child that knows jack shit on how to make sentences sound cool and dramatic.

I have begun looking at autobiographical texts on one of my favourite writers in the world of vampire fiction – the one and only Ronald Chetwynd-Hayes. Though unfortunately there wasn’t much floating around on the internet about him. Looks like I’m going to have to buy one of his many story collections and read the inside autobiographical page to learn whatever I can about this not so well known master of the vampire story.

For those of you who are uneducated in the world of British horror films or are just interested in expanding your movie knowledge there was a movie called ‘THE MONSTER CLUB’ made in the early eighties which was based on his work. It featured John Carradine in the role of the author and the master of ghoulish creepiness Vincent Price as Eramus the vampire.

Basic plotline – Eramus attacks Mr. Chetwynd-Hayes and drinks some of the author’s blood since he needs a quick drink to regain his strength. In return for the donation he takes the writer to the Monster Club and recounts three tales for the author’s new book.

By the way it’s a club filled with a bunch of people in various latex masks and really bad out fits though the various bands that perform the songs are pretty good as far as eighties style British rock goes. Oh yeah – it also features the talent of one of the best British actors ever – Donald Pleasence. Many of you may remember him from John Carpenter’s masterpiece ‘HALLOWEEN.’ He played the role of Dr. Loomis. For those of you who don’t remember – go to the fucking library and do some research – you never know – you might just learn something…